Twenty-six things a perfect guy would do, Part II : Hierarchy's Darkside

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Twenty-six things a perfect guy would do, Part II

Web posted on January 31, 2004 at 13:24

There's a list with Maddox's response with the 26 things a perfect guy would do...

http://maddox.xmission.com/26_things.html

However, he copped out at #14, saying he couldn't go on and was going to do something less painful, like put his dick in an oven.

Well, I myself can take the pain, and I will finish up the task for him.

15. Dance with you, even if he feels like a dork.

There's a reason why some guys don't dance. They have two left feet. Would you rather risk your life dancing with someone who can't, or would you rather be safe? That's probably why he feels like a "dork". By the way, thanks for the compliment about being a dork (if you know what I mean by this, great).

16. Never run out of love.

I didn't know you could run out of love like you run out of toilet paper. It kind of implies that we have to go out and buy love to me, doesn't it? No wonder why women call us cheap. Also, love is earned, not handed out on a whim.

17. Be funny, but know how to be serious.

Then let me be myself. When I feel like it, i'll be funny. Otherwise, I am serious.

18. Realize he's being funny when he needs to be serious.

What if I'm being funny and serious? Hell, I get a lot of business deals done that way. Hell, Dr. Hibbert on the Simpsons laughs when he dishes out bad news.

19. Be patient when you take forever to get ready.

Well then, why are we always late to get somewhere? I am a patient person, but we always arrive very late. Either hurry up or start getting ready a lot earlier. If we were an airline, we'd be out of business because of our on-time rate (or be Amtrak).

20. Plans a romantic date full of cheesy things he wouldn't normally like to do, just because he knows it means a lot to you.

Well, we do that, but then you take it for granted and complain. So, we are a lot less apt to do it. So, if you want us to do it, quit complaining and suck it up like we have to.

21. Appreciate you.

Well, I did until you cheated or played me, bitch.

22. Help others out.

I do that every day at work. There has to be a time for every guy where he just has to do stuff for himself once in a while.

23. Always gives you a peck on the cheek when you depart from each others company, even when his friends are watching.

What if we had a head cold or had a case of oral herpes. Do you want to catch them? Besides, you probably wouldn't want us to give you a peck on the cheek when we talk about you behind your back.

24. Sing, even if he can't.

See, you instill us false confidence in our singing, then when it comes to trying out for stuff like American Idol, Simon Cowell tells us otherwise. So either kick his ass if you want us to sing, or lay off.

25. Have a creative sense of humor.

We do, you just don't appreciate it, and you turn your noses up at it.

26. Quit smoking, chewing, drinking, or drugs - just because he loves you that much to quit it.

I know people who started doing that stuff cuz of you. Hell, I did. It's to help ease the pain of everything else. It reminded me of a MAD cartoon where this guy came home after a night of drinking, and his wife was bitching. He quit drinking, and came home, but his wife still nagged. Because of that, he went back to it. So, if you want us to stick around, just let us do it until we get sick of the drinking ourselves.