Terror Alert Status
|
Some friendly anti-terrorism protection tips...Web posted on March 21, 2003 at 22:43 The US government has a new website, http://www.ready.gov/. It's another attempt at scare mongering in the style of the old "duck and cover" advice after WWII.The fun thing is that these pictures are so ambiguous they could mean anything! Here are a few interpretations. Some have multiple interpretations, and they are so noted.  If you have set yourself on fire, do not run  If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are Vin Diesel, yell really loud.  If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder  If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about it instead of seeing a doctor.  Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of you!  The proper way to eliminate smallpox is to wash with soap, water and at least one(1) armless hand.  Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal with dead, dead eyes, run the fuck away.  Hurricanes, animal corpses and the biohazard symbol have a lot in common. Think about it.  Be on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also, they tend to rub their hands together manically.  If a door is closed, karate chop it open.  If your building collapses, give yourself a blowjob while waiting to be rescued.  Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region. After 5 minutes and 12 seconds, however, you may become sterile Stand in radiation for exactly 5 minutes and 12 seconds a day for a healthy, glowing complexion.  After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head. In the event of emergency, find a 3-story, 10-foot-high building. The midgets inside will be sure to help you. Remember, just follow the enormous red arrow protruding from your crotch.  If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. No one wants to see that shit.  -- If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the radio, cower in the corner or run like hell.  If your lungs and stomach start talking, stand with your arms akimbo until they stop.  Don't get trapped under stuff. If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting.  If you lose a contact lens during a chemical attack, do not stop to look for it.  Do not drive a station wagon if a power pole is protruding from the hood.  A one-inch thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection against radiation. In case of nuclear radiation, stand directly behind your door, but do not open the door, even if the radiation knocks.  Always remember to carry food with you during a terrorist attack. At least you'll be able to enjoy a nice coke and apple before you die.  Bribe terrorists to leave you alone with American consumer devices.  One day, the world will be a better place. Bush's hometown -- no great loss.  Terrorists usually have terrible indigestion from eating our food. Don't use the restroom after they do! In case of flames bursting out around door, do NOT leave it shut. Always open flaming doors.  There's a reason you failed chemistry. A degree in chemistry can help you fight off terrorists.  Terrorists may try to contaminate your laundry detergent. Smell clothing to ensure it's fresh and clean.  If you see a nuclear explosion on the horizon, pull to the side of the road, take some pictures, and wait for the blast to hit you.  Being stoned causes terrorism.  Your telephone may be able to administer first aid in the event of a terrorist attack.  With these simple ingredients, you too can be a terrorist!  Radiation lives in fallout shelters. Only the coolest irradiated citizens will be allowed into the 'underground' club.  On your knees before God smites you! If you need to fart real bad, get on your hands and knees before doing so. After consuming bean burritos, you can avoid the worst of the odors by crawling on the floor.  Circumsized arrows are terrorists. Do the Walking Man as you pass them.  If your dumb ass does get trapped under stuff, amuse yourself in your final moments with shadow puppets.  In the event a terrorist strikes your closet, proceed immediately to your other closet.  In the event of a terrorist attack, do not set fire to your house. No pyromaniacs admitted!  In case of emergency, the parking brake may be used as an adult novelty item.  Your filter mask can be easily hypnotized.  If you want emergency contact info across the US, use the "L" phone  In the event of terrorism, listen to that funky music.  In the event of terrorism, follow the green arrow downstairs and get some food, then follow the red arrow back up and eat.  If you're walking when terrorists strike, and you get lost, always walk to the corner of Broadway and Main  If you find someone in need of medical attention, pose as a medic, search him/her for some loot, take it, and run |
|||||||||||
|
|
|||||||||||
|
© 1996-2007 Hierarchy's Darkside. All Rights Reserved. |
||||||||||||
